Week 1: Genesis 1-12 and Psalms 1-7

While I could fill pages with all of the exciting things written in Genesis 1-12, it is Psalm 4 that has captured my heart for this week’s blog.

Let me paraphrase it:

“Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!  You have given me relief when I was in distress.  Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!  O men…how long will you love vain words and seek after lies?…Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for Himself; the Lord hears when I call to him.  Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.  Offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord….In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

Over the last couple of weeks, my heart has been distressed.  Probably not as distressed as David was when he penned these words, since he was likely hiding in a cave hoping not to be found and killed by Saul and his men.  But none the less, distress has fallen on this Mama-bear heart of mine.

A couple of weeks ago, Peter, my 6-year old, sat down in front of me and tried on a new word he had learned on the school bus.  “F#@k,” he awkwardly said, watching me intently to see my reaction.  I tried to appear calm and nonchalant while my heart dropped in my chest like a ton of bricks.  “Where did you learn that new word, Bud?” I asked.  “On the school bus, from some of the other kindergarteners,” he explained.  While he had absolutely no idea what the word even meant, I could tell he was testing in out on me to see how I would react.  We had a little talk about him not using that word because it is not respectful, even if he hears other people using it willy-nilly.  He listened and skipped along to the next thing on his 6-year old boy agenda.  I, on the other hand, was a wreck!  My inner dialogue went off the charts.  “What the heck!!  My sweet little boy is being taught that word by other kindergarteners!  Who are those kids!  Who are those parents!  I want Peter out of that school and off that bus tomorrow!  I will not have him around that sort of thing!”

I was confronted with the issue again when the school’s principal let me know that Peter had a visit to her office for using inappropriate language on the playground.  (It turns out he was actually being framed; more guilty by association than anything else.) Either way, my heart has been a wreck.  Yes, these incidences have made for some amazing teaching moments and cherished conversations with Peter.  But I am finding even after he has listened and learned his lesson, I am struggling to find rest in God’s ability to keep and protect Peter.  I feel antsy to do more, to put up more safeguards, to fortify him and myself against further heartache.  I also want someone to blame.  If there is someone or something to blame, I can just make sure Peter is not exposed to them/it.  Right?!  Surly, there is something I can control!

As I read the words of Psalm 4, I see something different than my natural response to this situation.  Here, David is facing a real enemy and is not sure if he will be able to outsmart him or not.  His life is being unjustly pursued and he does not have many places to hide.  But in the midst of his circumstances he does a few things:

1. He cries out to God, the one who has preserved him up to this point and who is able protect him now.
2. He rightly recognizes the ignorance of those seeking his life.
3. He is angry at the evil, but does not sin.
4. He remembers who his God is and finds absolute peace.

With my broken Mama-heart, David’s words remind me that I can cry out to my God who has given me relief from my anxiety and fear before.  He has heard me in the past and He hears me now.  Psalm 4 also reminds me that our enemy is not the other 6-year old boys, their parents, or the school.  Our enemy is the prince of this world who seeks to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  The other children who are introducing Peter to these things are just as precious and loved by God as he.  In the privacy of my heart, the Lord invites my anger over the vulnerability of these little ones in this hostile world.  As I put my trust in Him, He draws my heart away from the temptation to blame and judge in my anger.  He replaces my thoughts of indignation and criticism with forgiveness and compassion.  He reminds me that, but for His grace freely given to me, I too would be pining for the things of darkness.  As I remember the ways He has shown Himself impeccably faithful in the past, my death grip of control on Peter’s life loosens and I am comforted once again knowing that my boy is in more perfect care in the hands of His Heavenly Father than I will ever comprehend.  I can watch Peter learn to rely on the grace of God for himself, and I can lie down and sleep in peace.

As we read through the Psalms day by day, I am so thankful that David was as honest as he was.  He put words to his frustration, he was torn up over the lack of reverence for God all around him, he wondered how long things would get worse before justice would come and he did not seem to mask his fear and anxiety with control tactics.  But, time and time again, he found solace and refuge in the one thing he knew to be true:  His God was/is unchanging.  He had seen God’s faithfulness before and he knew he could count on seeing it again.  That was the place where all of David’s angst found rest.  May the faithfulness of God be our hiding place, our resting place and our steadfast assurance!